blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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