Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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