I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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