So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize