at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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