He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize