Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize