he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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