just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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