He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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