i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize