I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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