Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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