I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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