I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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