Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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