Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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