If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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