Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I could fuck to npr.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize