Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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