I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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