guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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