you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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