so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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