This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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