Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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