Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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