did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize