if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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