So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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