My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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