Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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