just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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