things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm really busy with my period
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