When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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