I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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