I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize