those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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