this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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