he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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