I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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