i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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