She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize