My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dicks are not precious.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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