I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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