goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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