I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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