Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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