my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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