i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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